Football

EPL 09/10 Man Utd 4 – 3 Man City

Posted on September 20, 2009 at 11:16 pm

When Michael Owen joined Manchester United, I set down some rules on what ’success’ at Manchester United for Owen would be. This includes scoring at least 20 goals, and any goals scored by Owen against a team that, at the moment of the game, is at the bottom three of the EPL table, would not count.

Yes, I am being very unfair. But, could you blame this fan considering Owen’s history? Jules argued, “If that’s how it is, any goals scored by Owen against a team that is at the top three, should count as two.” I shouted that argument down right quick, saying it’s not a true reflection of what Owen can do.

Then the bastard proceeds to save Man Utd’s sorry defending arse against Man City.

This wasn’t just a derby. This is a team that looks like it has joined the ranks of Liverpool, Arsenal and Chelsea. With the oil money pouring in, they could waste no time in getting the talent they need to campaign for a successful EPL 09/10 season. Sir Gaffer didn’t believe Tevez was worth the money asked, so he moved right next door. United fans have always favoured Tevez, but opening his mouth against Sir Gaffer after the transfer did not help matters. Did he deserve to get booed every time he touched the ball? Perhaps, but the magnitude of his little vendetta against United quite possibly could not match that of another new City signing, Adebayor, who, last weekend, ran down the sidelines to celebrate his City goal in front of the fans of his previous team, Arsenal. He subsequently delivered a boot to Robin Van Persie’s face, and gets himself banned for a month.

Which makes Tevez’s bad foul in this game look like almost nothing. Having said that, I’m sorry it has come to this between Tevez and United. There was absolutely no animosity when Peter Schmeichel moved to City during his second spell in the Premier League. To this day fans still regard him fondly, and Schmeichel will always be my number one hero between the goalposts, and my number one Manchester United hero of all time.

Back to Owen, who, in his second (or third?) starting game as a substitute, apparently is trying so very hard to derail on my hilariously awesome idea of ’success’. The fact that he subbed Berbatov, whom I am still going to be abusing for a long time to come, did not help matters. Subbing a player I dislike for a player I dislike and have no faith in? Capital, Sir Gaffer. I spent the last five minutes of the game screaming myself hoarse. And when Owen scored the goal in extra time to save United, OH MY GOD.

United still need some serious fixing to the back four. Foster’s mistake that led to City’s equalizer was such a howler. And Bellamy’s goal that made it 3-3 in the 89th minute, that was a horrible mistake by the likes and experience of Rio Ferdinand, arguably England’s finest defender.

That is probably what United need to focus on, regardless of Owen’s heartstopping heroics against our backyard rivals.

EPL 09/10 Wigan 0 – 5 Manchester United

Posted on August 23, 2009 at 12:34 am

Up – Rooney’s first strike against Wigan becomes his 100th goal for Manchester United.

Down – after the crisis at Burnley (yes, it was a crisis) this was definitely a significant improvement, considering Wigan gave us a run for our money. At times Jordi Gomez’s profile looked almost like a former Manchester United striker. Oh Ruud, I miss you so. That lazy bastard Berbatov does not hold a candle to you. (Oh hey, Tevez left, I GET TO ABUSE BERBATOV BWAHAHAHA!)

UNCLEAN – Michael Owen’s first goal for Manchester United. UNCLEAAAAAAAN. (The previously hilarious, now horrifying, brochure that brought Owen to United. Someone must have spiked Sir Gaffer’s morning coffee that day. I mean seriously, look at Page 12!)

Lulz – Nani’s goal because he always celebrates with a series of somersaults that totes makes Sir Gaffer burst an artery. HEE. <3

Zing-ed

Posted on July 11, 2009 at 11:35 pm

Flipping through the junk of catalogues in the mail, I found one that featured Jonas Brothers and Miley Cyrus-themed bedsheets. I snorted, then texted Haz.

Me: Do you want Jonas Brothers bedsheets?
Haz: Do you want to be strangled in your sleep?
Me: Miley ones then?
Haz: Do you know why Owen got signed on to your club? This is why.
Me: OH NO YOU DIDN’T.

Dahla my face seeing Owen in training is all kinds of D: D: D: accompanied by screaming because his training shirt had the number 15 on it (”OI! ITU VIDIC PUNYA NOMBOR BAGI BALIK I DON’T CARE IF IT’S TRAINING SESSION ONLY!!”). Jules is not helping the situation by constantly e-mailing me with “Owen 7″. I may actually need to be restrained during the opening season’s game.

That Owen transfer

Posted on July 4, 2009 at 11:11 pm

UNCLEAN. UNCLEAAAAAAAN. HOMG SO UNCLEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Words cannot describe the magnitude of my horror.

Loyalty is this

Posted on May 28, 2009 at 8:50 pm

I love my boys. I was so proud of every single one of them on that pitch this morning. No matter that we were outrun, outperformed and outclassed by the better team. The anguish on Rooney’s face opened the floodgates further. The veterans Giggsy and Scholes. You’ve seen disappointment before, but I still hate seeing that look on you.

T-Boy said, I cannot depend on external events to ride me out of my sadness. But you know, one of the things that does make me smile, is Manchester United. Sir Gaffer. Sir Matt. Sir Bobby. Duncan Edwards. Alex Stepney. Peter Schmeichel. The King. Manchester. The inspiration that is the Theatre of Dreams. The history. The legacy. I can’t recall a time when I didn’t scream my lungs out for Manchester United.

People laughed today. It’s only a game, they said. One of my best friends says that, but I know her, and she knows me, and she knows when to back off. When I hear that from others, I think, you know nothing. They compare it to the non-football teams they support, who suffer defeat almost every other week. Well, sorry, we’re not quite a team who tend to take being defeated every other week lying down. I bet you even Southend United FC don’t do that.

I didn’t say anything. I just sat at my desk, sniffling quietly again, saying little. Why should I? Yes, I know external events shouldn’t dictate my happiness, but I guess I was searching for something to carry me through the next few days. Maybe this is it – not the most ideal, but I’m learning again, ever so slowly, to believe.

Haz told me to go ahead and love my damn football today.

I do. Every day. Fiercely.

Draw with Arsenal, win trophy

Posted on May 18, 2009 at 6:55 pm

HEE!! Premier League champions for the 11th time!! After watching the replay (minus nervous beating heart) I went to bed ridiculously late, which wasn’t a good idea since I was heading to Gina’s house for flamenco practice at 7am. Gina’s in Grade 5 which is great because she helps clarify a lot of the Grade 3 syllabus I’m working through now. She’s also from Lancashire, but her husband is a Blackburn Rovers fan. The brain of this Manchester United fan does not comprehend.

Gina: Alan, this is Bella. She’s the girl I told you about.
Alan: Which one?
Gina: The Manchester United fan.
Alan: Good lord… the one that cried when she visited Old Trafford?
Me: Uh, hi?
Alan: Next time you come over you’ll be served coffee in a Rovers cup.

He commented on the game against Arsenal, which I agreed was rather lacklustre on United’s part until very late in the second half. We both did notice that Arsenal were playing the exact formation United played in when they kicked Arsenal out of the Champions League semifinal (2nd leg). Goes to show Arsene Wenger can still learn a few tricks from Sir Gaffer.

There is only one plea for the off-season: please keep Carlos Tevez. IF TEVEZ DOESN’T STAY I’M GOING TO SPEND THE ENTIRE NEXT SEASON ABUSING BERBATOV. DON’T ASK ME WHY, I JUST LIKE ABUSING BERBATOV.

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