The best way to look (and by extension feel) all sorts of stupid is to wear a mortar board. Seriously, I spent two years busting my ass to look this dumb?!
Yep, picked up my graduation regalia Friday and did all the things a good committee member does for her psychology alumni annual event. Then I spent half of Saturday wrestling with the fucking regalia which refuses to behave itself. The silver sash (representing the School of Psychology) keeps getting pulled back because it’s so heavy, so it winds up around my neck instead of sitting comfortably around my collarbone. The mortar board balances precariously on my head, and I wonder how I am going to manage when I put on my three-inch stilletos.
Do you know, I spent AUD$50 on buying a brand new dress shirt to go with the gown? My university so clever, so special note sarcasm, that instead of traditional black robes, theirs just has to be a dark red. It’s hell on earth to match colours. Now I have a Victorian-styled ruffled dress shirt I will probably never wear again.
God knows how I managed during my Bachelor’s graduation, sans the mortar board. All I remember was how much I wanted the ceremony over and done with because honestly, what is the point of attending this stupid ceremony when a) I was doing my Masters and b) I had a fucking Human Resources lecture bright and early the next day and omg, I hadn’t done the readings!! Professor Bennett was not pleased. Oh, right, I forgot, it’s to please the attending matriarch of the paternal family. Pfft. Not this year, muahahaha.
He’s worse than a woman on her 50th birthday, sheesh. And he’s about 20 years off the mark… oops, I shouldn’t have said that.